Thursday, May 25, 2006

Day 51 - Cut off in his prime...

As you can gather from the links on the right, I've been reading a few other websites on this whole baby thing we've embarked upon. On one http://www.brandnewdad.co.uk, I started reading about circumcision. To me, it was interesting, because unless you're having it done for religious reasons, it's pretty rare to have it done these days. It would certainly never have occurred to me to do it. But there were some very serious people on there and eventually I had to post a reply. I know this isn't yet really very relevant to a man with an eight week pregnant wife, but here it is anyway:

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A British man born in the early 1970s, circumcision amongst my high school classmates was about 25:70 Roundheads:Cavaliers, from what I recall. Admittedly my recall is potentially suspect since not being aware this might later be a useful thing to know, I wasn't careful to observe a strict methodology. Plus you'd probably be noted down as a poof and get your head kicked in... Statistics I've seen would suggest I'm about right though.

It's abundantly clear that social pressure is a major influence on the whole chop/don't chop thang - this list proves that with its religious and geographical split, but attitudes to seem to be changing generally. Between 1946 and 1968, Dr Benjamin Spock from off Star Trek was boldly recommending circumcision. Between 68-74 he thought it was a good idea but not necessary and by 1985 it was the beyond the final frontier. (Do you see what I did there? etc...)

I do find the notion that one kid would might get picked upon because he looks different is an odd one. As above, he'd probably get his head kicked in for taking a peek at other kids' nadgers. Before he had a chance to say, 'Hey, your winkie is a bit different to mine.' Sadly, I doubt modern school kids are much more evolved than they were in my day.

Also, how odd is this hygiene notion? How difficult do you pro-circumsizers think it is to give the heat-seeking moisture missile a daily rinse? It's not like it takes a crane to lift a foreskin. It doesn't require a wire brush and Dettol. Frankly, I've never even considered how hard it might be before because such a notion is just preposterous. It's no harder than washing your bum crack. Or your face. Though hopefully you don't do it in that order.

I'm not cut and wouldn't dream of doing it to any son of mine because I don't believe there is any necessity and move over, it seems wrong to inflict pain on an infant for reasons of vanity.

However, one reason I've yet to see on here is around the fact that foreskin is actually pretty essential.

If you don't want to read anatomical facts about my penis, stop reading now...

When a mummy and a daddy love each other very much, daddy's soldier stands to attention. When my soldier (I would just like to emphasise I have never referred to my spam javelin as a soldier before) the foreskin disappears into the shaft of my penis. That is to say, the foreskin is a necessary part of my hard on. If I didn't have that extra one and a half inches of skin I would have one of two options:

a) The tumescence would be curtailed by one and a half inches
b) I would do myself a really unpleasant injury every time my dick sought to reach its full size.

I like to think it is a) that is the more correct answer of the two. There are two reasons for this:

1) The whole blood/ genitals thing - not a good look
2) Ha ha! Your cock is one and a half inches shorter than it should be - stumpy knob, stumpy knob!

Ah well. It's all immaterial really. My wife would probably rather divorce me than allow the mutilation of her newborn boy. Hope this has been helpful.

P.S. Those of you who didn't want to read intimate details about my dick; we saw you looking.

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I wonder how well the attempt at humour will go down? Arf!

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