Since I am a little behind, and since there is going to be a lot to write about, I'm going to split this into more than one post, but we've done it... we're entirely out of the baby closet! Every year a bunch of us go to a hotel somewhere, dress up smart, have a slap up feast, drink too much and generally have a bloody good laugh. This year, we ended up in a splendid hotel near Tewksbury, Gloucestershire. It was miles from anywhere but very nice indeed, a sprawling red brick house with a large duckpond out at the front. When you got into the rooms, there were magazines lying about on a table that summed the place up; Horse and Hounds, Country Life, The Shootist and Tory Fuckwit...
Actually, although that's completely true (apart, possibly, from Tory Fuckwit magazine) they were bloody good to us, so I really shouldn't be taking the piss.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, so, despite the heat, we all got into our suits or frocks as appropriate and were shown into the room where we were to have dinner. It was a large room, a little away from the rest of the hotel and it meant that we were able to put an iSpod docking station on a sidetable and then everyone who had one could stick their 'Spod in with a custom playlist. K___ and I ended up at the far end of the room, looking out through the patio doors to the front of the hotel and the umbrella'd tables out there.
As the others started to file in, K___ whispered in my ear that she felt nervous about making the announcement. Once everyone was sitting down, K___ raised her voice and said, 'Hello, I would just like to say something...'
'...can I bet what it is?' said G_____, smiling.
'No, you can't!' I said back. She obviously knew what was coming.
'Some of you may have guessed from the fact that I've not been drinking the last few times I've seen you...' Cue looks of anticipation all round... '...but I'm pleased to announce I'm having a baby!'
'Hurray!' Many cheers, whoops and raised glasses around the table and hearty congratulations all round. L___ declared she'd do a baby shower for K___ (but not me, 'because she's pregnant, not you.') which was sweet. We don't really do baby showers in the UK, but like many US practices (including the loathsome Halloween tradition of allowing children to extort sweets from complete strangers or get an egg thrown at their house it's slowly taking off over here too. Sorry Americans, but that's just a fucked up thing, especially considering the rest of the year the media is intent on implying every stranger is a potential child abuser. However, perhaps like our version of your fast food restaurants, where we fail to achieve even minimum standards of speed, civility or tastiness, we've taken the basic concept and then added some additional ineptness, I dunno. Anyway, I digress big style.
It was a balmy evening, so I spent the majority of it standing outside chatting to everyone and of course couldn't resist asking the dad's what they remembered about when they were at this stage. I was joking about it, but there were a couple of occasions where people would offer me congratulations and manly handshakes. I would stand in an exaggeratedly macho way and stick my thumbs into my belt loops such that my fingers seemed to be pointing at my genitals and saying things along the lines of, 'Praise my mighty spuds'... He he! I am such a tit sometimes. I was being ironic though, I promise... When I wasn't being ironic, promise, I could see K___ holding court with the ladies and it was nice for her to get to be the centre of attention for little bit after having kept such a big secret for such a long while.
We don't often manage to get all of us together as a group a lot of the time, so it was a brilliant opportunity we couldn't miss. I hope no one minded us springing it!
After a long drive home the next day, it would be time to tell everyone else too, and that would be it; revelation. It's seemed to take so long to get to this stage, it's incredible to think there are still nearly 30 weeks left to go!
Actually, although that's completely true (apart, possibly, from Tory Fuckwit magazine) they were bloody good to us, so I really shouldn't be taking the piss.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, so, despite the heat, we all got into our suits or frocks as appropriate and were shown into the room where we were to have dinner. It was a large room, a little away from the rest of the hotel and it meant that we were able to put an iSpod docking station on a sidetable and then everyone who had one could stick their 'Spod in with a custom playlist. K___ and I ended up at the far end of the room, looking out through the patio doors to the front of the hotel and the umbrella'd tables out there.
As the others started to file in, K___ whispered in my ear that she felt nervous about making the announcement. Once everyone was sitting down, K___ raised her voice and said, 'Hello, I would just like to say something...'
'...can I bet what it is?' said G_____, smiling.
'No, you can't!' I said back. She obviously knew what was coming.
'Some of you may have guessed from the fact that I've not been drinking the last few times I've seen you...' Cue looks of anticipation all round... '...but I'm pleased to announce I'm having a baby!'
'Hurray!' Many cheers, whoops and raised glasses around the table and hearty congratulations all round. L___ declared she'd do a baby shower for K___ (but not me, 'because she's pregnant, not you.') which was sweet. We don't really do baby showers in the UK, but like many US practices (including the loathsome Halloween tradition of allowing children to extort sweets from complete strangers or get an egg thrown at their house it's slowly taking off over here too. Sorry Americans, but that's just a fucked up thing, especially considering the rest of the year the media is intent on implying every stranger is a potential child abuser. However, perhaps like our version of your fast food restaurants, where we fail to achieve even minimum standards of speed, civility or tastiness, we've taken the basic concept and then added some additional ineptness, I dunno. Anyway, I digress big style.
It was a balmy evening, so I spent the majority of it standing outside chatting to everyone and of course couldn't resist asking the dad's what they remembered about when they were at this stage. I was joking about it, but there were a couple of occasions where people would offer me congratulations and manly handshakes. I would stand in an exaggeratedly macho way and stick my thumbs into my belt loops such that my fingers seemed to be pointing at my genitals and saying things along the lines of, 'Praise my mighty spuds'... He he! I am such a tit sometimes. I was being ironic though, I promise... When I wasn't being ironic, promise, I could see K___ holding court with the ladies and it was nice for her to get to be the centre of attention for little bit after having kept such a big secret for such a long while.
We don't often manage to get all of us together as a group a lot of the time, so it was a brilliant opportunity we couldn't miss. I hope no one minded us springing it!
After a long drive home the next day, it would be time to tell everyone else too, and that would be it; revelation. It's seemed to take so long to get to this stage, it's incredible to think there are still nearly 30 weeks left to go!
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