I think I must have suppressed this memory as it was simply too traumatic.
I played football ('soccer' for the Americans) last Sunday. That's a new definition of 'played' that doesn't imply any element of competence or grace, obviously. I was tricked into it. While K___ stayed at her parent's house, I went to the local park with C_____ and H______, their parents and grandmother. I'd felt the need to stretch my legs, so when a walk was suggested, I was happy to go along. We started off by standing on the bridge and throwing bread crusts to the ducks on the river. I think we must have followed another water fowl-benefactor as they really weren't interested, the ungrateful bill-faced bastards. Once we got to the park, I revealed that I had secreted a boomerang-type thing in my back pocket. It wasn't quite a boomerang as it had three arms, but you get the idea. It was more boomerang than Frisbee. J___, the kids' father, and I chucked it backwards and forwards a couple of times and then the rugrats wanted a go.
It's always strange watching a kid try something involving co-ordination as they invariably look horribly awkward and contort themselves into the most peculiar shapes. Watching seven year-old C_____ try and get his arm to spiral around itself so he could throw a boomerang was incredible. I kept expecting to hear a crack. Needless to say, with his arm twisted so much, he was complete pants at throwing the thing. It would go straight up in the air, or plough directly into the grass. Eventually J___ and I convinced him to adopt a slightly more conventional throwing style and he managed to get it much further. Of course, as soon as her brother started getting the thing to work, H______ also demanded equal time. She didn't quite get the hang of it, I have to say. I was loads better. You might argue that I have thirty years on her, but I've spent very little of my time on earth throwing a Frisbee/boomerang thing and she's probably spent more time than I have proportionally speaking, so I am justified: I am better than a small girl at Frisbee.
Praise me. Whilst all this lobbing bits of plastic around was going on, my mother-in-law snuck back to the house and retrieved a bag full of stuff. I've always liked my mother-in-law. No hackneyed jokes on that subject from me, nossiree. However, all that changed when she returned and pulled a football from the sack.
Wooosh... there goes C____, 'Yay, it's a football, my life is complete...'
Wooosh... there goes H_____, 'If he's playing then I am too...'
Wooosh... there goes J___, 'Come on kids...'
Oh bollocks.
Well, I did join in because I would have been a complete git not to have done so. And I can play football about as well as C____, so it wasn't completely obvious how shit I am. I have now learned that unless small children have possession of the ball at least 50% of the time, you can rely on them to get upset and stomp off to the other side of the field moaning how it isn't fair...
All in all, it was quite an insight into things to come and actually quite fun, yes, even the football bit. That is largely because it was a one-off though. I'd be quite happy to go any play Frisbee or other games again.
Oh, and I thought my heart would burst after twenty-odd minutes of running about. I am going to have to get fitter.
It's always strange watching a kid try something involving co-ordination as they invariably look horribly awkward and contort themselves into the most peculiar shapes. Watching seven year-old C_____ try and get his arm to spiral around itself so he could throw a boomerang was incredible. I kept expecting to hear a crack. Needless to say, with his arm twisted so much, he was complete pants at throwing the thing. It would go straight up in the air, or plough directly into the grass. Eventually J___ and I convinced him to adopt a slightly more conventional throwing style and he managed to get it much further. Of course, as soon as her brother started getting the thing to work, H______ also demanded equal time. She didn't quite get the hang of it, I have to say. I was loads better. You might argue that I have thirty years on her, but I've spent very little of my time on earth throwing a Frisbee/boomerang thing and she's probably spent more time than I have proportionally speaking, so I am justified: I am better than a small girl at Frisbee.
Praise me. Whilst all this lobbing bits of plastic around was going on, my mother-in-law snuck back to the house and retrieved a bag full of stuff. I've always liked my mother-in-law. No hackneyed jokes on that subject from me, nossiree. However, all that changed when she returned and pulled a football from the sack.
Wooosh... there goes C____, 'Yay, it's a football, my life is complete...'
Wooosh... there goes H_____, 'If he's playing then I am too...'
Wooosh... there goes J___, 'Come on kids...'
Oh bollocks.
Well, I did join in because I would have been a complete git not to have done so. And I can play football about as well as C____, so it wasn't completely obvious how shit I am. I have now learned that unless small children have possession of the ball at least 50% of the time, you can rely on them to get upset and stomp off to the other side of the field moaning how it isn't fair...
All in all, it was quite an insight into things to come and actually quite fun, yes, even the football bit. That is largely because it was a one-off though. I'd be quite happy to go any play Frisbee or other games again.
Oh, and I thought my heart would burst after twenty-odd minutes of running about. I am going to have to get fitter.
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