I am still not quite used to writing the word 'daughter' yet.
It has concepts of... I was going to write 'possession', but that's not quite the right word, and no, I didn't mean in the demonic sense (mind you, she had a few moments last night)... perhaps jurisdiction is a better word, and responsibility that are so far above anything that I have ever had to deal with before.
I have a responsibility for things at work that can potentially affect several thousand people directly in the employ of the local authority for which I work. By the nature of my work in information governance, it could be said that people like me have a responsibility for the protection of tens of thousands of people. Indeed, the courts haven't been slow to point the finger at those tasked with the responsible sharing of information when failures have occurred in the past, and rightfully so.
However, this is not like the responsibility I feel for my own child. Not even my obligations and responsibilities towards my wife feel like those I have for my own child. This is not to denigrate my wonderful, amazing wife in any way. To a large degree, it's simply the recognition that K____ doesn't need me. She chooses me because she wants me, because in ways that I cannot necessarily always fathom but am nevertheless unbelievably grateful for, I enhance her quality of life.
My daughter needs us for pretty much everything. She can poke herself in the eye. She can cry by herself. She can do the autonomic stuff - breathing, heart beat, digestion etc., but beyond that, Mummy and Daddy have to do the feeding (sourcing, preparing and presentation for the purposes of eating), burping, nappy changing, ablutions, moving around, clothes washing and drying... Obviously I am aware of the fact that not one person on the planet doesn't understand this, but it doesn't lessen how great a responsibility it is to get used to.
I'm still getting used to having to organise everything around this tiny person in the corner of the room who holds all the power in this relationship. I'm still getting used to the fact that my time may (and probably will) be interrupted by the requirements of this small person (it's somewhat amazing that I've managed to write this entire entry in one go!). I'm still getting used to the fact that I cannot go to sleep unless the little person decrees it is acceptable, and that I must wake up on her demand (and I acknowledge that however much my life is disrupted, it is at least twice that amount for K___, who is constantly brilliant in her new role).
But here's the thing that amazes me about all this new hassle and being at Olivia's beck and call. It amazes me even though people with children told me time and time again that it would happen, because understanding the concept is not even close to being in the reality and that is this; I love it.
I am still not quite used to writing the word 'daughter' yet, but I'm getting there.
It has concepts of... I was going to write 'possession', but that's not quite the right word, and no, I didn't mean in the demonic sense (mind you, she had a few moments last night)... perhaps jurisdiction is a better word, and responsibility that are so far above anything that I have ever had to deal with before.
I have a responsibility for things at work that can potentially affect several thousand people directly in the employ of the local authority for which I work. By the nature of my work in information governance, it could be said that people like me have a responsibility for the protection of tens of thousands of people. Indeed, the courts haven't been slow to point the finger at those tasked with the responsible sharing of information when failures have occurred in the past, and rightfully so.
However, this is not like the responsibility I feel for my own child. Not even my obligations and responsibilities towards my wife feel like those I have for my own child. This is not to denigrate my wonderful, amazing wife in any way. To a large degree, it's simply the recognition that K____ doesn't need me. She chooses me because she wants me, because in ways that I cannot necessarily always fathom but am nevertheless unbelievably grateful for, I enhance her quality of life.
My daughter needs us for pretty much everything. She can poke herself in the eye. She can cry by herself. She can do the autonomic stuff - breathing, heart beat, digestion etc., but beyond that, Mummy and Daddy have to do the feeding (sourcing, preparing and presentation for the purposes of eating), burping, nappy changing, ablutions, moving around, clothes washing and drying... Obviously I am aware of the fact that not one person on the planet doesn't understand this, but it doesn't lessen how great a responsibility it is to get used to.
I'm still getting used to having to organise everything around this tiny person in the corner of the room who holds all the power in this relationship. I'm still getting used to the fact that my time may (and probably will) be interrupted by the requirements of this small person (it's somewhat amazing that I've managed to write this entire entry in one go!). I'm still getting used to the fact that I cannot go to sleep unless the little person decrees it is acceptable, and that I must wake up on her demand (and I acknowledge that however much my life is disrupted, it is at least twice that amount for K___, who is constantly brilliant in her new role).
But here's the thing that amazes me about all this new hassle and being at Olivia's beck and call. It amazes me even though people with children told me time and time again that it would happen, because understanding the concept is not even close to being in the reality and that is this; I love it.
I am still not quite used to writing the word 'daughter' yet, but I'm getting there.
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