Well, looks like we might have to change baby clinic after the mortification of yesterday afternoon.
I take Olivia to a local clinic every Monday afternoon to get weighed. When you get there they take your red baby health book from you and you enter a queue. There are rows of changing mats on tables along one side of the room and when there is one free, you take your baby over and strip them down to their nappy. Once their name has been called you take them up to the front to get weighed.
Now, the getting weighed part involves removing their nappy... and I'm guessing that some of you might already have guessed the end of this particular story. So anyway I take off her nappy and she lies quietly, like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, on the scales. All is well. Then I carry her back over, sans nappy, to the changing mat. Her buttocks had barely touched the mat when she issued forth a veritable torrent of wee and liquid poo. It was streaming down the mat, over the end like a waterfall, down the front of my skirt, over my shoes and then finally coming to settle and soak into the carpet. The lady in charge looked at me like I was a disappointment and asked, 'Would you like some more tissue?' Rather than some tissue, I was actually just waiting for the ground to open up and swallow me.
An awful lot of tissue and mopping up later and she looked like a cute little baby in a pink and white babygro, while I looked like someone who had tried to mop poo off their front with a wet wipe. When I got outside I just had to phone F_ and ask if he minded if I returned her and got a refund as her bottom is clearly defective, or should that be 'defecative'? Or else I think I'll have to adopt a cunning disguise before going back next week.
By the way, she weighed 9lbs 15oz, or at least she did when she came in...
I take Olivia to a local clinic every Monday afternoon to get weighed. When you get there they take your red baby health book from you and you enter a queue. There are rows of changing mats on tables along one side of the room and when there is one free, you take your baby over and strip them down to their nappy. Once their name has been called you take them up to the front to get weighed.
Now, the getting weighed part involves removing their nappy... and I'm guessing that some of you might already have guessed the end of this particular story. So anyway I take off her nappy and she lies quietly, like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, on the scales. All is well. Then I carry her back over, sans nappy, to the changing mat. Her buttocks had barely touched the mat when she issued forth a veritable torrent of wee and liquid poo. It was streaming down the mat, over the end like a waterfall, down the front of my skirt, over my shoes and then finally coming to settle and soak into the carpet. The lady in charge looked at me like I was a disappointment and asked, 'Would you like some more tissue?' Rather than some tissue, I was actually just waiting for the ground to open up and swallow me.
An awful lot of tissue and mopping up later and she looked like a cute little baby in a pink and white babygro, while I looked like someone who had tried to mop poo off their front with a wet wipe. When I got outside I just had to phone F_ and ask if he minded if I returned her and got a refund as her bottom is clearly defective, or should that be 'defecative'? Or else I think I'll have to adopt a cunning disguise before going back next week.
By the way, she weighed 9lbs 15oz, or at least she did when she came in...
I can sooooo relate to a story like this!
ReplyDeletewelcome to parenthood. You're in the initiation & hazing period of your membership!
:)
I am so glad I read this while I ate my lunch...
ReplyDeleteLOL and *wince* in equal measures!
Kisses to you and Little Miss Pooey x