Liquidity

Grace is thriving. Having lost a fair bit of weight in the first week she is now gaining nicely. I estimate that this time around I have at least a milk 50% supply. Supplementing with the Medela Supplemental Nursing System (SNS) is a absolute genius. This is an at breast supplementer so the baby gets the forumula supplement through a small tube while nursing at the breast. It means that she only ever has a bottle when we go out and so isn't getting nipple preference like Olivia did and my milk supply gets extra stimulation to increase. Hopefully this should mean a longer and more effective breastfeeding relationship this time around.

I didn't but this till Olivia was about 9 weeks old and she had already established quite strong nipple preference for bottles by then and was a very fussy nurser at the breast and so I found it very hard to get her to latch while using the SNS. Grace is a good feeder with a strong latch and so I have had lots of opportunity to practice and perfect the technique of using the SNS. I don't tape it on though, but just keep it in place with my finger until she latches.

When I do use a bottle, when out and about, a feel almost apologetic and feel the need to justify it by stating that I do actually breast feed but have low milk supply. No one has ever challenged me on using bottles, it is my own perception that people will think badly of someone who bottle feeds rather than breast feeds. You could argue that I made my own bed by having breast surgery in the first place but at least I am trying ot do my best and make sure my babies have got the most breast milk they could. I guess I do carry a certain amount of guilt around about what it would have been like if I had never had the surgery and could breast feed normally.

Having said that, what is done is done and I just have to make the best of it , learn from my experiences with Olivia and try to establish a good breastfeeding relationship with Grace.

And It's Catching Up

I haven't posted for a while so I am going to bring you all up to date with what has been happening in Olivia land over the last few weeks.

Having been poorly for some while Olivia is finally back to normal. We ended up putting her on fast flow teats, designed for 6 month old babies simply because she just took so long to drink her milk while she was recovering that she ended up falling asleep half way through the bottle. We ended up having a poo sample sent to the hospital for analysis as her digestion still wasn't right and the GP was concerned she might have developed lactose intolerance following her illness. The test came back normal though so she obviously just took a long time to recover from her Gastroenteritis.

I got her weighed and the health visitor reckoned she had put 7 ounces on. Considering that this was during a week when she had nothing but electrolyte drink for 24 hours, less than half rations for several days when she wouldn't eat and then watered down feeds to let her tummy recover I am at a loss to see hw this could possibly be so. She had dropped a fair few ounces earlier in the week as well. I had weighed her at home before taking her to clinic and on my scales she was the same as she had been the week before. I am sure they have a dodgy set of scales at baby clinic. I've also had her weighed again since and she is now up to 14lbs 13 oz so is well on target to double her birth weight by 6 months. She is hovering somewhere between the 50th and 75th centiles.

The other week Olivia also went to visit her nice 'Auntie' L but was a bit grizzly and so while Daddy M and Auntie L talked business, Mummy M had to walk round and round in circles in the back garden with a baby who was very tired but DID NOT want to go to sleep.

On Friday the NCT girls and the babies all came over to our place. Everyone brought bits and bobs of food and the Mummies had a relaxing lunch while the babies played on the baby bym and play mat.

Maybe You're Just Too Upset Inside...

So, when I went to clinic with my friend E_ and her baby I_ it turned out that we were leading parallel lives. I_ had been poorly since Friday and had sickness and diarrhoea all weekend. E_'s hubbie had also come home sick that lunchtime. I began to suspect that I was paying even more for my afternoon of decadence on Friday because I think Olivia caught a sickness from I_ or one oft he other babies, as at least one other had been poorly the previous week.

By Tuesday morning Olivia still wasn't feeding and after her first bottle of the day it was a struggle to her her to eat more than 2oz before she fell asleep. We thought that surely the constant stream of dirty nappies had to end at some point as what was coming out seemed to be exceeding what was going in. We thought wrong. You would not believe how much poop could come out of such a small person in a 24 hour period. I'm glad that we are an environmentally friendly family because otherwise Olivia would have to have her own personal landfill full of poopy nappies.

F_'s Mum and Dad phoned to say that they had both spent the morning vomiting, so we had truly spent the weekend spreading the love far and wide in our family - oops. F_ was very worried as he had visited his elderly Nana and feared that he may have given her an illness that she wouldn't be strong enough to deal with, but luckily she has not gone down with anything.

F_ was still off sick and I spent the morning boasting that it was a good job that one of us was hardy cause if I got ill who would look after the baby? Immortal last words as several hours later I was running a fever of 101 and felt pretty rubbish, although with me it was a headache and aching joints but no gastrointestinal problems, thankfully.

Feeding Olivia became a constant job. It was like going back in time to when she was a newborn and we spent all day cup feeding her. As she wouldn't take a full feed and we wanted to get as much into her as possible we tried feeding her small amounts more regularly. This effectively meant that we would start a feed, the feed would take an hour, during which she would consume about 2 ounces, and then an hour later it would all start again. She still only took about half of her daily formula load.

We both agreed that if the situation showed no sign of improvement by the next morning we would take her to the doctor.

This World Sharpens Teeth

Well, after the previous night's little adventure, Sunday could only be an improvement, surely?

We woke up a little later than normal, a small blessing as a result of a certain person's late bedtime. We had anticipated that Olivia would probably have woken in the night for a feed, but apparently not. So she would surely be ravenous come breakfast time. Well, not quite. She took five of her normal six ounce feed. Good enough, we thought; she'll not come to any harm on that.

Except that every subsequent bottle that she was given, Olivia seemed disinterested after just a couple of ounces, and not only that, was taking about as long as it would normally take her to finish the whole thing. She seemed to be favouring one side of her mouth. 'Oh ho!' we thought, 'Teething!' She seemed fine in herself, however. In fact, she's discovered the most delightful new noises, a series of coos and warbles that make her sound a little like one of the Clangers. It's lovely to watch her get to grips with these joyous new sounds, and it just makes us smile to hear it.

In the afternoon I took her out, as I often do, to give K___ a few hours off. We went to see Nana (or rather Great Nana now, since my mother has become Olivia's Nana). Great Nana was wearing woolly gloves, which I noted immediately, since it was quite a warm day, with low cloud cover making it feel close. Olivia seemed to be on great form. She was making her new noise and generally being quite entertaining and Great Nana seemed very happy to see her namesake.

Then we set off to my parents, just a short buggy ride away. Well, for Olivia; I had to push (she's very selfish sometimes - it's so babyish). On the journey round, Olivia fell asleep. All right for those not stuck pushing the buggy, isn't it? At my folks, she stayed asleep for another twenty five minutes or so. Upon waking, the chirpy girl who had entertained her Great Nana was gone. This one was sullen and whingy. I changed her nappy, but that didn't seem to improve matters and Nana and Grandpa didn't manage to get even the most miserly smile from her. It was about the right time, so I tried her bottle.

It normally takes Olivia about ten to fifteen minutes to do a six ounce bottle. After half an hour, she had just about managed two. She kept pushing the teat over to one side or pushing the bottle away. It seemed as though she was sucking the teat, but she must have just been mouthing it. In the end I just gave up. Cue a load of tears from Madam. It was no fun for my folks, so I packaged her up and took her home. For the remainder of the day she refused to take more than a couple of ounces per bottle and had LOTS of very runny nappies. She seemed so alert and okay in herself (for the most part), we weren't too sure how concerned we ought to be about dehydration. In the end, we phoned NHS Direct and spoke to a nurse. She established that Olivia's mouth was moist and her eyes were bright and there was still wee in her nappies and that her fontanelle wasn't sunken and said that as long as there was a wet nappy every six to eight hours, it wasn't too serious, but we needed to keep an eye on it.

As K___ would be visiting the health clinic to get Olivia weighed on the following day, there wasn't anything too pressing to worry about.

I Was Flicking Through the Channels on the TV

Olivia has discovered the television. When she is on my lap or in her 'wobble' chair I always make sure she is facing me so I can talk to her, but she has realised that there is something oh so interesting going on behind her. She strains so hard to try and get a view of the TV that I quite expect her to do an Exorcist and spin her neck through 180 degrees! Olivia is NOT alowed to watch TV!

I've done some research and spent some time thinking about this. There are lots of education products and TV stations on the market for babies as young as six months which virtually promise to turn your child into a brain surgeon or nuclear physicist by their second birthday but I remain unconvinced. There is kind of a parental guilt trap at work - everyone wants their kids to have the best start and be clever in later life and these products pander to our inner worries that we aren't doing enough ourselves. As usual there are no hard and fast rules. You can find research to prove just about everything - TV makes you more intelligent, limits academic achevement, helps develop language, leads to poor concentration and behavioural problems in later life etc. etc. Having read up on it, it seems that the consensus is that kids under two shouldn't watch any telly and then beyond that it should be limited educational TV. Videos and DVDs can be more beneficial than TV as they allow for learning through repetition and familiarity.

I believe that talking, singing and reading with your baby and experiencing everyday life together are far more beneficial that 'edutainment' products. The demon TV will come into Olivias life at some point but I aim to delay it as long as possible and then limit viewing in both time and content.

Between You and Me

We went to baby clinic as usual yesterday. Olivia managed not to make a show of herself and weight a sturdy 13 lbs 7oz. For once it was actually quite quiet in there so we were able to walk straight in with only one other baby ahead of us. This is very good for Mummy, as the room is kept so hot because of all the naked babies that the mummies are usually suffering from heat stroke after a long wait.

When You Get to the Bottom ...

I took Olivia along to baby clinic as usual on Monday and again she made a bit of a show of herself. While we were waiting for a changing mat to be available all the mothers near me started to sniff at their babys' bottoms. As I was the closest to the offending bottom I was too well aware the it was Olivia's nappy creating the fragrant smell sensation. Little did I know that the smell was the least of my worries.

Once a mat became free, I went over to strip her down to be weighed. I didn't need to get as far as looking in the nappy as there was poo in the pocket of her jeans and all over her vest. The nappy was so full of poop that it was leaking out of the leg holes!!! Of course as the clinic was only a few streets away and I was in a rush I just grabbed the little nappy changer and not the full changing bag so I didn't have a change of clothes with me. It is sods law that I carry tons of stuff about with me all the time and whenever I actually need something it is always the day I haven't brought it with me. So I ended up having to take her home wearing socks, a short sleeved T shirt and a clean nappy - not a great look but luckily it was very warm and I also had her cosytoes on the buggy.

This week she weighed 12lbs 3.

You Learned Your Lesson Far Too Late

Went to a Postnatal Group this afternoon at the clinic where I usually get Olivia weighed.. An NHS letter came in the post from the Heath Vistitor inviting us book a place as spaces were limited. This all made it seem like it might actually be worth going to but the first session was a bit disappointing. It ended up just being a discussion thing with a load of mums in a room nattering about babies. No offence to those there, all of whom seemed nice and a few of whom I knew from our antenatal classes, but I have my own friends to sit around and natter with. I thought it would be more along the lines of the antenatal classes where we were actually taught stuff. The Health Visitor did ask us about what we wanted to achieve in the next 3 meetings and people asked for information on establishing sleep routines and weening so maybe the future sessions might be more interesting. Next week, however, there is someone coming along to do a session on baby massage and as I am doing a whole course on that I don't think we will bother. I did have an opportunity to get Olivia weighed though, as we missed clinic yesterday as we were coming back from Lincolnshire. She has had another big gain this week and put on 13oz over the 8 days to get up to 11lbs 5oz. She is still following the 50th centile though so remains terribly average :)

She's Like the Wind

We went for our six week GP checks yesterday. My check involved answering the same few questions I have been asked numerous times - do my bowels work, does my bladder work, is everything ok 'down below' (I am amazed at how many of the medical profession refer to the 'front bottom' as 'down below' - were they off sick the day the proper names were taught at medical school?) and have I thought about contraception.

Olivia was as good as gold once her dirty nappy had been removed. Her check involved looking into her eyes, testing her reflexes and strength, inspecting her belly button nd checking for clicky hips. Our long time readers may recal that F_ and I both went a bit green when the clicky hips thing was done during her newborn check so I judiciously looked away at that point. Everything was fine apart from her belly button. I had wanted to mention this to the GP anyway as it has continued to weep since her cord fell off. Both the midwives and health visitor had seen it and told me to get the GP to check it if it hadn't healed by the time we saw him. Apparently she has something called 'umbilical granuloma' which means there is a bit of umbilical cord tissue left behind which isn't healing. It need to be cauterised with Silver Nitrate so the GP gave me a prescription for a Silver Nitrate kit and I have to get the practice nurse to administer it tomorrow morning. As there are no nerve endings in this area this should be a painless procedure for Olivia, although Mummy is likely to turn green as usual.

As the GP hadn't done a weight check we also went along to the health visitor clinic to get Olivia weighed. The health visitor from last week was obviously so traumatised by Olivia's human waterfall impression last week that she had to have an emergency vacation so it was a different woman this week - given our performance last week this was probably for the best. Anyway, she has put on just a reasonable 4oz after the epic 14oz last week so it looks like she isn't turning into Jabba the Hutt just yet and weighs a cuddly 10lbs 3oz. Today we've had a foray into 0-3 month clothing which is still too big for her but less ridiculously so than before.

Here she is with Daddy - as you can see they look very much like each other, sharing as they do a common haircut :) Luckily Olivia doesn't have a goatee.

I've got Olivia some Gripe Water to help her bring up her wind and maybe make her a bit less grumpy. I'm sure when we were kids Gripe Water was the kid's equivalent of gin but now, in the modern age of binge-drinking, I find it is alcohol free.

Here is Olivia proving that her lungs work and that when you remove her dummy you open up a tear in the space/time continuum in the middle of her face.

She'll Carry on Through it All, She's a Waterfall

Well, looks like we might have to change baby clinic after the mortification of yesterday afternoon.

I take Olivia to a local clinic every Monday afternoon to get weighed. When you get there they take your red baby health book from you and you enter a queue. There are rows of changing mats on tables along one side of the room and when there is one free, you take your baby over and strip them down to their nappy. Once their name has been called you take them up to the front to get weighed.

Now, the getting weighed part involves removing their nappy... and I'm guessing that some of you might already have guessed the end of this particular story. So anyway I take off her nappy and she lies quietly, like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, on the scales. All is well. Then I carry her back over, sans nappy, to the changing mat. Her buttocks had barely touched the mat when she issued forth a veritable torrent of wee and liquid poo. It was streaming down the mat, over the end like a waterfall, down the front of my skirt, over my shoes and then finally coming to settle and soak into the carpet. The lady in charge looked at me like I was a disappointment and asked, 'Would you like some more tissue?' Rather than some tissue, I was actually just waiting for the ground to open up and swallow me.

An awful lot of tissue and mopping up later and she looked like a cute little baby in a pink and white babygro, while I looked like someone who had tried to mop poo off their front with a wet wipe. When I got outside I just had to phone F_ and ask if he minded if I returned her and got a refund as her bottom is clearly defective, or should that be 'defecative'? Or else I think I'll have to adopt a cunning disguise before going back next week.

By the way, she weighed 9lbs 15oz, or at least she did when she came in...

We took ourselves apart, We talked about our faces

Olivia is growing well. She is now within 3oz of her birthweight. We are going to keep a close eye and get her weighed weekly to make sure everything is progressing well. It is a difficult balance to make sure she gets enough nutrition when we don't know how much breastmilk she gets.

Dad to be (or should that just be Dad!) or F as I will now be calling him noticed changes in her after he had been away for 5 days. He says she looks like him. I guess that now I just think she looks like herself!

It is funny because although she is only just over 3 weeks old it seems like we have always had her. We are in a routine now and so we've kind of started to forget what things used to be like. I guess things will change again next week when F goes back to work. We will miss him so much. If only we could have that elusive lottery win so he didn't have to work, although I think the main thing hindering us in winning is the fact that we don't buy tickets :)

Olivia is still in biodegradable disposable nappies due to the truly explosive nature of her poops and the fact that we were away at my parents' but we are going over to the washables at the weekend - watch this space and see if our eco-parents credentials crumble in a tidal wave of poo. She had a whole day and a half where she didn't poop once, then a large firm poop and then the poop gates were opened and she was back to doing one every feed. I bet Daddy will miss that when he goes back to work...

Food, glorious food

Well it's been a funny few weeks.

We always knew that I might not have a full milk supply due to surgery I had in my early twenties. I always found the idea of breastfeeding a but ikky in abstract but as soon as I got pregnant I knew that I wanted to breastfeed my baby. We knew that the medical complications would mean that we would have to monitor Olivia's weight gain carefully to see if we needed to supplement her diet.

Out she came and she took to breastfeeding straight away. I had already started to think there might be a problem on the 4th day when I thought my milk had come in but she was feeding every hour all days and half of the night but still didn't seem satisfied. By the evening of the 5th day I had a big panic and we tried her with a bottle, which she wouldn't take. When she got weighed on day 6 she had lost 14% of her birth weight - not good. The upper limit that is considered acceptable is 10% so we knew there was a problem and started topping her up with formula after each feed.

We were worried about giving her bottles before breastfeeding had become established as babies can start to prefer the ease and fast flow of a bottle feed and refuse to go on the breast so we started off cup feeding. We both found it amazing that you actually can give a newborn baby milk in a cup and they will lap it like a kitten. We did this for about 5 days before a long day left us both exhausted by midnight and out came a bottle. The problem was that it took about 90 mins to coomplete each feed, which gave you about an hour before she wanted to be fed again and the whole roundabout started again. You tended to spend this hour cleaning her and changing her clothes as she was covered from head to toe in formula. It was also very difficult to get any worthwhile amount down her as she tended to get too sleepy to drink and most of it was down her front anyway.

So, now she has a bottle after she has been breastfed and she is perfectly happy. I love breastfeeding her as not only does she get the immune system and numerous other health benefits of breast milk but also it is such a bonding experience and allows us lots of skin to skin closeness. She looks so happy and peaceful and I could just stare at her for hours. It was of course very disappointing that I don't produce enought milk, and tears were shed as I felt I had let her down, but her welfare is our primary concern. I try to express after feeds so that we can supplement her with breastmilk as much as possible and to encourage my milk supply to meet the increased demand. I'm also trying herbal tintures and prescription medication to try and increase my supply so we can supplement less.

It has all been an emotional rollercoaster. We both started crying when she was weighed for the second time and we saw that she had gained weight. I don't think we realised how much we had been stressing about the situation. She is gaining weight well and yesterday she was back to within 7% of her birth weight. The midwife said that they look for the babies to have regained their birth weight by 3 weeks so she is well on target as she seems to be gaining about an ounce a day at the moment.

An aside on the generalities of breastfeeding - I have a REALLY low embarrassment threashold and really don't feel comfortable breastfeeding in public. I guess we kind of have the best of both worlds as it does mean that if need be then I can give her a bottle when we are out and about if she needs it but she is still getting the many advantages of breast milk. Plus in this country we have a ridiculous law which says that women can be asked to stop breastfeeding in public!!!!! Scotland has passed legislation allowing women to feed in public. Although it isn't my personal choice to feed in public I think it is totally wrong that such a natural process is not protected. Oi government - sort it out!