Yesterday's birthday party coincided with England playing Ecuador in the World Cup and once four o'clock rolled around, fully three quarters of the party disappeared indoors to watch.
I have a set from comedian Bill Bailey in a New York comedy store. One of his first lines is, 'As you can probably tell, I'm English and thus crave disappointment.' As far as I can tell, everyone who has spent precious minutes of their life watching England's unconvincing progress in this competition is exhibiting precisely the behaviour Mr Bailey is describing, because the inevitability of England failing to reach the final is slightly greater than that of the tide coming in tomorrow.
I understand most people like football. I just don't get it myself. I've found that many people, particularly men, find it quite intimidating if you say you don't follow football (hence the title to this entry - I've been bewildering and upsetting people for 35 years by 'not getting football' at them). Perhaps it's because it's normally a safe opening gambit for conversation with a bloke. Sometimes I've had people question me because they think I must be lying. Some people think it must mean I'm gay, which is ironic, because the gay blokes I know are always in the room watching the football with everyone else. Whatever, it often seems to be a bit of a stumbling block.
A lot of people wouldn't normally watch football, but will when it's an international match. I don't. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have sat through the occasional match. I believe I understand the offside rule. I probably know the names of at least half the England squad, picked up through cultural osmosis, but given the choice, I'd really rather not bother.
This raised a rather appalling thought in my head. 'What if I have a kid that's into football?' Jesus. Would I have to go to football matches and cheer on my kid? Or take it to watch a proper game? I've only ever been to see one game of football in my life. I can't remember who the other team was. My overriding memory is of a plastic bag caught in an eddy, swirling around in the corner of one of the stands a la American Beauty. The thought was not a good one.
This subject came up on one of the 'Dad forums' and I said, ' Given that I'd currently rather dip my gonads in chilli sauce than watch a game of football, the thought of having to go and play the damn thing with Junior is rather scary, but then it would hardly be fair to push my prejudices onto my kid, would it?'. One of the other dads came out with a very salient point. He said, 'If your kid is into football, you'll support him/her 100% and go to as many games as possible. That's what I'm going to when my little girl is in ballet or gymnastics.'
A good way of putting it. My kid is going to grow up English, and may thus inevitably crave disappointment... but why kick-start that when s/he's a kid?
I have a set from comedian Bill Bailey in a New York comedy store. One of his first lines is, 'As you can probably tell, I'm English and thus crave disappointment.' As far as I can tell, everyone who has spent precious minutes of their life watching England's unconvincing progress in this competition is exhibiting precisely the behaviour Mr Bailey is describing, because the inevitability of England failing to reach the final is slightly greater than that of the tide coming in tomorrow.
I understand most people like football. I just don't get it myself. I've found that many people, particularly men, find it quite intimidating if you say you don't follow football (hence the title to this entry - I've been bewildering and upsetting people for 35 years by 'not getting football' at them). Perhaps it's because it's normally a safe opening gambit for conversation with a bloke. Sometimes I've had people question me because they think I must be lying. Some people think it must mean I'm gay, which is ironic, because the gay blokes I know are always in the room watching the football with everyone else. Whatever, it often seems to be a bit of a stumbling block.
A lot of people wouldn't normally watch football, but will when it's an international match. I don't. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have sat through the occasional match. I believe I understand the offside rule. I probably know the names of at least half the England squad, picked up through cultural osmosis, but given the choice, I'd really rather not bother.
This raised a rather appalling thought in my head. 'What if I have a kid that's into football?' Jesus. Would I have to go to football matches and cheer on my kid? Or take it to watch a proper game? I've only ever been to see one game of football in my life. I can't remember who the other team was. My overriding memory is of a plastic bag caught in an eddy, swirling around in the corner of one of the stands a la American Beauty. The thought was not a good one.
This subject came up on one of the 'Dad forums' and I said, ' Given that I'd currently rather dip my gonads in chilli sauce than watch a game of football, the thought of having to go and play the damn thing with Junior is rather scary, but then it would hardly be fair to push my prejudices onto my kid, would it?'. One of the other dads came out with a very salient point. He said, 'If your kid is into football, you'll support him/her 100% and go to as many games as possible. That's what I'm going to when my little girl is in ballet or gymnastics.'
A good way of putting it. My kid is going to grow up English, and may thus inevitably crave disappointment... but why kick-start that when s/he's a kid?
Ha ha, I have a similar problem over here being a Canadian who doesn't follow hockey. People are surprised and confused, and often don't know what to say. Sometimes the conversation ends there, or sometimes people will continue talking about hockey -- as if politely ignoring the bad joke I just made.
ReplyDeleteAnd I've often wondered the same thing: what if my kid is a jock? Will I have to become a hockey dad?
Then one day a co-worker asked me to take his boys to hockey for him. He had an important meeting with a client, and didn't want to let them down. So he lent me his mini-van and I took his 7 and 11 year old boys to the hockey arena.
And let me tell you, I've never had so much fun watching hockey! It wasn't about the sport, or the stats or the moves. It was about the fun those boys were having, and the excitement they were bubbling over with when we all piled back into the mini-van afterward.
Still don't follow hockey, but at least now when a young friend wants to go to a game -- or some day my own son or daughter does -- I know it won't be that bad!
My view on this is that you can't be everything for your kid, and it's healthy not to try. Of course you want to encourage your child to follow his or her interests, but that doesn't mean you have to force yourself along to every little thing with them.
ReplyDeleteFor example, since drwhams feels much the same as you do about football, I always thought that if our kids wanted to go and see a match, that's where Uncle P might oblige... This would give them a closer relationship with the wider family circle as well, which can only be a good thing.
And as the poster above says, I'm sure whatever your child takes part in, whether you're into it or not, you'll be bursting with pride and love.