Way back in the dim and distant past of this blog, I posted a list of questions that I'd sent to dads I knew. Oh okay, it was Day 76, barely a few entries ago. I bet you'd still forgotten about it though.
Rather brilliantly, every dad responded. I'm not going to tell you exactly how many dads I sent it to since that might reveal that I only know two people and that it isn't that impressive that 100% replied. I'm going to split these responses over a couple of posts (partly because then I can make up the couple of days that I'm behind!)
It was quite funny to receive the posts, not only for the odd chuckle-worthy response (If you had your time over again, what would you do differently? "Would have gone to the gym so I wouldn't have been so bullied at school...") but also because I think I may have given the impression that I was panicking and desperately needing advice. I don't think I was (that's scheduled for the third trimester), I just thought it might be interesting, but everyone's considerable generosity was much appreciated whether or not you thought I was cracking up.
So, let's go back over those questions...
How old were you when your first child was born?
The youngest was 23, the majority were in their mid twenties, one at 29 and just one was in their thirties. In fact they were 30. I will 35. We'll come back to that. Next I asked;
Do you think this was: Too old About right Too young
The dads in their early to mid twenties all said it was too young. They gave reasons such as there never being a right time, immaturity ("Because it took me an awfully long time to mature and grow into myself, by my early 30s I was about ready to start tackling real life.") and cash ("I just think it would have been nice to have been a DINKY for a few years and get a bit of money in the bank, travel a bit and do all the things that you can do with cash and no (or not many) responsibilities."). Those at about 30-ish all said it was about right or were quite sanguine about things ("When I was younger I had more energy but less money and resources to deal with this responsibility. In years to come I'll be less able to kick a football about in the back garden but maybe I'll be more relaxed about life.").
I have to say that in some ways I would have preferred to have been a little younger. I've commented earlier in this blog that being 40 with a four year old seems a bit strange, but then, just like one of my friends above, I don't think I was very mature before my thirties (and doubtless many may say I'm not now) plus I experienced a redundancy that really fucked my career path and bank account for a long time, so now is realistically the first time that it was sensible.
The thing is though, for all that some of the dads surveyed might have thought they were a bit young, it doesn't seem to have made them bad dads. I've seen them with their kids - not much with some of them, but I think I've seen all of them with their kids at some stage, and they're all good dads. So maybe this age thing doesn't really amount to a whole hill of beans.
Part two coming your way soon...
Rather brilliantly, every dad responded. I'm not going to tell you exactly how many dads I sent it to since that might reveal that I only know two people and that it isn't that impressive that 100% replied. I'm going to split these responses over a couple of posts (partly because then I can make up the couple of days that I'm behind!)
It was quite funny to receive the posts, not only for the odd chuckle-worthy response (If you had your time over again, what would you do differently? "Would have gone to the gym so I wouldn't have been so bullied at school...") but also because I think I may have given the impression that I was panicking and desperately needing advice. I don't think I was (that's scheduled for the third trimester), I just thought it might be interesting, but everyone's considerable generosity was much appreciated whether or not you thought I was cracking up.
So, let's go back over those questions...
How old were you when your first child was born?
The youngest was 23, the majority were in their mid twenties, one at 29 and just one was in their thirties. In fact they were 30. I will 35. We'll come back to that. Next I asked;
Do you think this was: Too old About right Too young
The dads in their early to mid twenties all said it was too young. They gave reasons such as there never being a right time, immaturity ("Because it took me an awfully long time to mature and grow into myself, by my early 30s I was about ready to start tackling real life.") and cash ("I just think it would have been nice to have been a DINKY for a few years and get a bit of money in the bank, travel a bit and do all the things that you can do with cash and no (or not many) responsibilities."). Those at about 30-ish all said it was about right or were quite sanguine about things ("When I was younger I had more energy but less money and resources to deal with this responsibility. In years to come I'll be less able to kick a football about in the back garden but maybe I'll be more relaxed about life.").
I have to say that in some ways I would have preferred to have been a little younger. I've commented earlier in this blog that being 40 with a four year old seems a bit strange, but then, just like one of my friends above, I don't think I was very mature before my thirties (and doubtless many may say I'm not now) plus I experienced a redundancy that really fucked my career path and bank account for a long time, so now is realistically the first time that it was sensible.
The thing is though, for all that some of the dads surveyed might have thought they were a bit young, it doesn't seem to have made them bad dads. I've seen them with their kids - not much with some of them, but I think I've seen all of them with their kids at some stage, and they're all good dads. So maybe this age thing doesn't really amount to a whole hill of beans.
Part two coming your way soon...
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