I've mentioned before that K___ would like a home birth if at all possible. She was born at home as was her younger sister and her neice. Our friend S___ also had hers at home (although admittedly she was taken in to hospital after the first one because she was bleeding and wouldn't stop). I don't think anyone in my family has been born at home for many years, but I have no problem with the idea, so when D____, our midwife, asked what K___ wanted to do, there was no doubt about a home birth being the preferred option.
Nationally, only about 2% of babies are born at home, whereas it's 7% in our town. They're very relaxed about the idea - in fact, not just relaxed: D____ was delighted with our choice. Given that we're only about ten minutes from the hospital, it's also not too dificult to get to should something happen and K___ need to be moved. However, there is one disadvantage pointed out by one of my dad friends in the Great Dad Survey; it's a lot harder to go down the pub and celebrate with your mates if your other half isn't in hospital but at home and needing you to fetch and carry! Still, I think it's probably fair enough that you do, really! ;-)
Next, D____ asked us about about things like exercise programmes. K___ is due to start yoga classes soon. I can't quite see how being able to speak like a green Star Wars muppet will help particularly, but, you know, whatever she thinks is necessary... Slightly more seriously, we discussed things like birthing balls (D____'s advice? Get an exercise ball. It's the same thing only cheaper) and birthing pools. K___'s friend and colleagues K____ and M____ used them and got on well. You can buy these or hire them from the hospital, but since the hospital charges £50 a day and you can't guaranttee exactly when you'll need one it may well be cheaper to buy. Plus it can become a kid's paddling pool afterwards - unless it's got 'birthing pool' emblazoned around its edge, which would be a little embarrassing. We have a first floor flat (for the Americans, that's a '2nd Floor Appartment' (let's not get started on why)) and so I asked whether that would cause a problem for a birthing pool. D____ said you need to place these things by an exterior wall, but it woudl be fine.
I happen to be reading a book recommended to my by my mate N___. It's called 'So you're going to be a Dad' by Peter Downey. It was a top recommendation and even has a few good chuckles in it. Anyway, just this morning, before D____ arrived, I'd read about the 'UTP' - the Universal Television Position, which is to say, flat on your back with your legs in stirrups and then K___ made the point that she didn't want to give birth lying down. D____ was very much in favour and this is where the titular hazlenut and plumbing comes into play!
The birth canal, explained D____ is not a straight channel down which the baby passes. Not at all. It's more of a U shape. "Like this piece of plastic pipe!" she said, pulling one from her bag.
Eh?
Right well, here comes my attempt at showing what she showed us. Pic one is what happens when a woman lies in the UTP and tries to give birth. The plastic pipe is obviously the birth canal and the baby is..?
A hazelnut, yes.
You can see that this method is clearly not gravity assisted, and hence rubbish.
The second example is what happens when the woman choses a position such as squatting, or all fours over a birthing ball. It's clear that this allows gravity to work with the woman's efforts and not against.
Cool, huh? I never thought I'd be learning things from hazelnuts...
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