It was an ordinary Monday with nothing planned. I would have liked to have been back in time to put baby Olivia to bed, but I'm often not home in time for that, and I accept it, even if I don't like it. No, it was a pretty normal Monday evening and I wasn't expecting any surprises.
'I've got you a present,' said K_. She handed me a small item wrapped in tissue paper. It was about the size of a toothbrush.
'A present? Why have you got me a present?'
'I just have,' she said, mysteriously. It wasn't my birthday. Valentines was just a few days ago... I had no idea why I might be getting a present. I think I cocked an eyebrow, but regardless, I unwrapped the paper to reveal a white plastic pen-shaped item with a blue pastic cap and some words at one end, and a little window at the other.
'Oh,' I said, not sure why I was supposed to be particularly happy about this item.
'Oh,' said my wife, somewhat flattly. I looked again, saw the words 'ClearBlue', and then looked at the little window.
You, of course, are ahead of me on this one, right?
This is not only because you're reading a blog that clearly says what it's about at the top but also because it would be quite difficult to be as slow as I was being at that moment. There was a little word in the window. I looked at it properly for the first time.
'Oh,' I said, then, 'OH!' as it finally sunk in that the word in the window was 'pregnant'. 'Oh my god!'
We hugged and both said we couldn't believe it.
I have to tell the truth, I really can't say what I thought I was looking at when I first unwrapped the predictor. I think I thought it was an ovulation test, because K_ has had irregular periods of late. I absolutely didn't think that it was a pregnancy test because my mindset wasn't in baby mode.
We were both agreed that we wanted to try for a second baby, but we weren't putting in any particular effort about it. My memories of last time were of ovulation charts and sex-to-order, something that is a lot less enjoyable than one might imagine, and the stress of each month as we waited to find out whether anything had happened this time... This time round, we'd not really got round to working out K-s menstrual cycle, things had just happened of their own accord. Obviously, contraception had gone out of the window, but we hadn't been paying attention to whether the time was right, just whether the moment was right, if you know what I mean, eh, eh, eh, nudge nudge, wink wink...
I'm not a particularly laddish person. It's just not me. I'd say something that someone else would say and have accepted as a cheeky, good-natured and slightly risque laugh and it would sound salacious and slightly creepy, so I don't tend to do it, but I have to say that after I got over the initial shock, I did feel obliged to pat my bollocks and congratulate them on a job well done. It is stupid, but I suppose understandable, how much machismo one feels upon learning that one's pork sword is fully functioning and firing on all cylinders.
Still, that's it now. They can probably retire now, job done. Haven't they done well?
I'm going to be a daddy again. It's brilliant news. It really hasn't sunk in yet. So, here we are again.
Bring it on.